This summer, Miles had a swim lesson at a public pool. It was sunny and hot out, so when he was done, we stayed for open swim. He had just that day conquered his fear of water and was enjoying leaping into the pool over and over again. After about the fourth time, he climbed out and stood on the edge of the pool. Almost as an after thought, he said, “Mommy, my hair is weird,” as he pulled taut one of his adorably tight ringlets.

I bristled. He’d never said anything like that before. I immediately answered, “Your hair’s not weird, Miles. It’s beautiful. The most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen.”

“And I’m brown,” he said.

“Yes, you are brown,” I answered. “My favorite color.” And then he leapt into the pool as if it was no big deal.

But it felt like a big deal to me. I’ve talked about skin color to him many times before, but this is the first time he’d ever brought it up. The realization that he is brown is just a fact, but I didn’t like that it was accompanied by the notion that his hair was “weird.” I didn’t bring it up again until after we were done having fun in the pool. I asked him who had said that to him, but he didn’t want to talk about. He refused. I’m pretty sure it was a little girl in his swim lesson, and I caught a glimpse of what a mama bear I am going to be as Miles grows up. I wanted to go over there, pull her out of the pool, and tell her that, actually, her straight, blonde, and boring hair is weird. Ha, I wouldn’t do that, but clearly I am going to need some strategies.

I’ve been talking a lot about differences in people and what makes us all unique and am trying to hammer home the message that being different is not “weird” but what makes the world beautiful. We read books with characters of color and with empowering messages and I try to make sure that his pre-school and surroundings are diverse, etc. We talk about the fact that he’s a “beautiful brown boy,” and that people come in different colors. We haven’t gotten into race yet as he’s only three but he understands that skin color can be light or dark or somewhere in the middle. I realize that I can’t insulate or protect him from insensitive comments by children who don’t know any better, but I sure wish I could! Hopefully I can empower him with positive self-esteem and the knowledge that looking different than someone else is nothing to be ashamed of.

I can’t help but wish that every parent would have these conversations with their children.

Yes, our family came together differently than most others. And yes, issues surrounding my son’s adoption are pretty much on my mind 24/7. But sometimes I forget that I’m just like any other parent out there and that my toddler is just like any other toddler out there–throwing the tantrum to end all tantrums from time to time.

“No, that’s mine,” were the first three words he ever strung together. It was so cute and endearing that I had to laugh. In fact, most of the naughty things that he does are so cute that I have to laugh. Sometimes I don’t know how I will ever be able to discipline this kid because he is just so darn adorable. I mean, look at him. He has me wrapped around his finger and he knows it. I’ve got to be careful, though, because that cute little sentence was followed closely by a colossal kicking & screaming fit when I took away the Sharpie he was holding on to for dear life.

He’s almost two now and testing the waters constantly. He loves to make me laugh, but I need to be careful what I laugh at. He thinks he can get away with pretty much everything because I’m just so in love with him. He’s right about how much I love him, but it’s time for me to start laying down the law a little bit.

“You don’t want to raise a brat,” I remember my grandma saying to me once. “If you never tell them no, that’s what will happen.” (This coming from the woman who would never dream of telling me no, but I was her grandchild so I guess she thought that was different.)

I’ve spent so much time researching and reading about issues that will come up because of adoption that I haven’t spent much time thinking about discipline or the actual chaos that is toddlerhood. I think it’s time for me to bookmark the adoption articles for awhile and start focusing a little bit more on tactics to deal with the terrible two’s (which I don’t actually think are all that terrible… yet).

Mainly, I’d just like him to listen to me, refrain from throwing his entire dinner on the floor because he doesn’t want to eat his peas, and stop acting like the world is about to end because I won’t let him poke his eye out with a pair of scissors or pull the dog’s tail off.

Any advice would be appreciated on discipline methods, etc. Anyone read Love & Logic or have any other recommendations?