Tag: birthmother match

Our Adoption Story, Part I: The call

On By alliegardnerIn Our Adoption Story5 Comments

So happy to say we are finally home with our son, Miles! He will always be a little bit Charlie, too, but as we were in the car, speeding past Nashville, Tennessee, on the way to Texas–trying desperately to get there before he was born–it became clear that Miles was the perfect name. It has been such a journey to get to him, and when he finally found us we drove many, many miles to bring him home. It fits him perfectly. I’m wearing him in an Ergo carrier as I write this, enjoying his sweet little breath against my skin. Motherhood is all I thought it would be, and more. I am in heaven.

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Our adoption story is a long one, so I’ll have to break it up into a few posts. And I’ll start at the beginning… Thursday afternoon three and a half weeks ago on April 3, 2014… I was at home on a conference call for work when I got a call on the other line from a strange number in Texas. I couldn’t answer it and figured it was probably just a wrong number or a marketing call so I didn’t think twice. But they left a voicemail which was odd, so I checked it immediately after my meeting. And I almost fell out of my chair. A caseworker from AdoptHelp left a message that I could not believe. “Hi Allie and Jamie, I’m excited to tell you that you have been chosen by a birthmother in Texas. Her due date is… um, tomorrow, actually. Please call me back.”

Continue reading “Our Adoption Story, Part I: The call” →

Two Months In: Our 2nd monthly agency update

On By alliegardnerIn Our Adoption Story4 Comments

2-monthsIt’s been a full two months now since we’ve been actively presented to birthmothers and have been waiting for a match. Yesterday we got our second monthly update from our caseworker telling us how many birthmothers we were presented to in November and the status of those presentations.

I look forward to this email all month (even though receiving it means we haven’t yet been chosen). We’re pretty removed from this part of the process, so it’s nice to know what’s been going on behind-the-scenes.

The Update

Our profile was shown to nine birthmothers this month, one every few days in November. That’s one more than last month.  Five of them were matched with other couples, (one already had the baby!) two fell off the radar, and two have not yet chosen a couple.

The cool thing about this month was that out of the five birthmothers who were successfully matched, one actually picked us as their third choice. So if her first and second choice matches said no, we would have gotten the call! She was successfully matched with her first choice, but hey, at least we were chosen as runners-up. Although third is not first, it feels like getting chosen at all is a step in the right direction. It’s a reminder that it could happen any time. Our caseworker told me that she was surprised to hear our names come up so fast and that even a 3rd choice after only two months of waiting is good news. That made us smile.

Continue reading “Two Months In: Our 2nd monthly agency update” →

What, if, and when?

On By alliegardnerIn Our Adoption Story5 Comments

We were watching a movie the other night when we got a call from a number in California that we didn’t recognize. It turned out to just be a call from work, but for a split second I thought it might be our adoption case worker calling to tell us we had been chosen by a birthmother. I got really excited, imagining what it will be like to get that phone call–the phone call that will change our lives forever.

I felt silly immediately for thinking that, because it has only been about a month. Way too fast. And then I felt a sense of relief because I realized that while we are emotionally ready for that call, we are materially unprepared at this point. The question is: when should we get prepared, like buying-a-crib-and-decorating-the-nursery prepared?

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I have no idea. Part of me wants to wait until we get the phone call about a birthmother match, because the last thing I want to do is look at an empty nursery for an unknown length of time. Plus, it feels like buying a bunch of baby stuff could jinx the whole thing in some way. There is so much uncertainty about the process that I’m at a loss for when to accept it as reality.

After checking out a few other adoption blogs and websites devoted to the topic, one thing became clear: everyone approaches it differently. Some people are prepared from day one. Ready to go. Others don’t do anything until the baby is home. Some have a baby shower during the wait or after the match but before the birth. Others wait until the baby is at home or on the way to have a shower in order to avoid disappointment. “A watched pot never boils,” is what they always say. So, does that mean a watched nursery never becomes occupied?