Our Adoption Story: Leaving the Hospital

The day we left the hospital with Miles was one of the most emotional of my life. We were so excited to be taking him home but it was also very difficult to leave his birthmother at the hospital. My heart was truly broken for her, and I found myself crying for her loss and for Miles’ loss as she signed the papers. adoption-reality

I will never, as long as I live, forget that moment. The “magnitude of that tragedy” hit me very hard. It was such a happy event for our family, but such an incredibly sad one for hers. And I know it will be sad for Miles when he learns about his adoption. I felt all of that so deeply, and meant it when I told our birthmother that she would always be in our hearts, and always a part of our family. I wish I could have erased her hurt and that I could erase his future hurt, but I know that is not in my power. All I can do is love Miles with every ounce of my being, celebrate him every day of his life, and foster a connection between our two families.


When it was finally time for us to leave, they insisted on wheeling me out with Miles in a wheelchair. At first I felt a little silly, not having given birth to him, but it didn’t take long before I let myself enjoy the ride. I was, after all, his mom now. And even though I’d only known about him for 3 days, there was no question about this. I was 100% Miles’ mother–and I could not possibly have loved him any more, even if I had given birth to him. So I let them roll me out, and I soon found myself unable to stop smiling. I may have been the happiest mom to ever leave a hospital!


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Our Adoption Story IV: The Hospital

We arrived at the hospital in Texarkana around 4:30 a.m. Sunday morning after driving straight through from Charlottesville. We should have been exhausted, seeing as how we hadn’t really slept in three days. But tired was the last thing we were feeling as we walked into the hospital. It was still dark out and there were no staff at the reception desk. We found the sign for the maternity ward and followed it. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. We were about to meet our little boy!


Thankfully, the maternity nurse was expecting us and let us in without issue. We went straight to our birthmother’s room, knocked and heard a soft, gentle, “come in.” We opened the door to see her holding Miles, clearly happy and relieved that we were there. “Thank you for coming,” she said. I knew from texting her that she was nervous that we weren’t going to show up. I told her there was no chance of that. None whatsoever. I’m not sure she believed me until she saw our faces, though. She smiled and handed us our son.

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Our Adoption Story III: The Journey

The morning after talking to our birthmother for the first time, we were debating when to leave for Texas. Her due date was the day before but she hadn’t received prenatal care so the date was really just a best guess. We wanted to be there for the birth but we didn’t want to be in Texas for a week or two prior to the birth because we knew we’d have to stay for a week or two afterwards.

photo-61We were so excited but a little unsure what to do. I got the feeling that it was going to happen soon, though, so we made a Target run to get a few things we needed to bring the baby home (blankets, somewhere to sleep, diapers, formula, etc.).  photo-62We had been planning to trade our 2-door SUV in for a 4-door when the baby came, and since we were now going to be taking a road trip of undetermined length (and had to bring the dogs) we needed to do that now, too.

When we got back from running these errands, I decided to call and check on our birthmother since she told us she had been having mild contractions. When we spoke she told me that the contractions had gotten worse and that she was heading to the hospital.

We no longer had to wonder when to leave. We packed up the new car, loaded the dogs and all our baby gear, and set off for Texas.

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Our Adoption Story, Part II: First Call with Birthmother

This was the scene at our house right before our first call with Miles’ birthmother: It was Friday night around 8pm and I was frantically pacing circles around the house with the phone in my hand, taking deep breaths and trying very hard to calm myself down and talk my heart out of exploding. Jamie was sitting on the couch, with the other receiver in his hand–seeming much cooler. He was just as nervous as I was, I think, but was showing it much differently. We had her phone number and were told to call her at 7:30 pm. It was 7:28 and I was in a state of mild panic. Even the dogs could feel the nervous energy in the air.
Joniece-Strength-QuoteWhat do we talk about? What do we say? What if she doesn’t like us or I say the wrong thing? Our caseworker had given us some basic advice via email: don’t get too personal or ask too many probing questions. Don’t bring up the birth father unless she does. Keep it light–this is just an introduction. Tell her how excited you are. Ask her why she chose you. Let her lead the conversation topics. Sounded simple enough, and I knew all of that intuitively, but it seemed like such an incredibly awkward thing. This woman was considering entrusting us with her baby’s life. What a difficult thing to do! I think my biggest concern was how to balance our excitement with her grief–I wanted her to know that we respected and cared about her and understood her feelings, too. I wanted her to know that we didn’t think this was all about us.

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