What, if, and when?

We were watching a movie the other night when we got a call from a number in California that we didn’t recognize. It turned out to just be a call from work, but for a split second I thought it might be our adoption case worker calling to tell us we had been chosen by a birthmother. I got really excited, imagining what it will be like to get that phone call–the phone call that will change our lives forever.

I felt silly immediately for thinking that, because it has only been about a month. Way too fast. And then I felt a sense of relief because I realized that while we are emotionally ready for that call, we are materially unprepared at this point. The question is: when should we get prepared, like buying-a-crib-and-decorating-the-nursery prepared?


I have no idea. Part of me wants to wait until we get the phone call about a birthmother match, because the last thing I want to do is look at an empty nursery for an unknown length of time. Plus, it feels like buying a bunch of baby stuff could jinx the whole thing in some way. There is so much uncertainty about the process that I’m at a loss for when to accept it as reality.

After checking out a few other adoption blogs and websites devoted to the topic, one thing became clear: everyone approaches it differently. Some people are prepared from day one. Ready to go. Others don’t do anything until the baby is home. Some have a baby shower during the wait or after the match but before the birth. Others wait until the baby is at home or on the way to have a shower in order to avoid disappointment. “A watched pot never boils,” is what they always say. So, does that mean a watched nursery never becomes occupied?

5 thoughts on “What, if, and when?

  1. I really don’t think there is a wrong answer here. Part of me thinks you should wait until you’re matched….but then again since you won’t be matched until the birth mother is in her third trimester that makes me think you should go ahead and start getting ready now! Inevitably, even if it takes longer then you anticipated you WILL be bringing home a baby at some point….so why not?!?

    1. We’ve started, slowly, getting ready. We know there will be a baby at some point, so might as well start shopping! It feels weird, though, shopping for baby clothes and things after trying to have one for so long. I began to think I never would and now the whole thing almost doesn’t feel real. Feels good, though!

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