I’ve been doing a lot of writerly soul searching lately… what should I be writing about? Is it OK to blog about my son? How much of our story is mine to tell? Now that our adoption is finalized, is Adopting Charlie’s journey over or should I write about our lives together? We’re talking about starting the process for a second child soon – should I blog about that?
I *think* people are still finding this site useful. I get a few new readers now and then and I love reading comments when they come in. But I’m having a bit of writer’s block when it comes to Adopting Charlie. I’m not sure where to take it next, if anywhere. So, I thought I’d ask you all.
What do you want from this site? What would be helpful to you in your own journeys?
Please leave a comment with any ideas or inspiration. I’d love to hear what you’d like to see me cover and/or if you think I’ve said all I should say.
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom 
I’m interested to see your responses, because I’m kind of in the same boat. During our waiting period, I wrote a lot about the emotions you experience during the wait, etc. Now that our adoption is final, I’m kind of at a loss for how to continue. If you decide to blog about your journey along a second adoption, one suggestion for continuing once that is complete is to keep your blog current with adoption topics. Maybe write about topics that come up with your son, how you handle them, etc. By that time, he will likely be old enough to start processing what adoption means (at least a little) and you might be able to help someone else know how to handle their similar situation.
Thanks for the suggestion, Holly! I have been bracing myself for the day when he starts to understand. Honestly, I’m kind of terrified for that to happen. I’m sure I’m not the only adoptive parent to feel that way.
I would love to just hear about day to day life with your little dude. Plus, I think that you likely encounter adoption-specific parenting issues, and hearing your stories would really help prospective and current adoptive parents. Does he have questions regarding his birth family? How are any interactions that you have with his birth family? Have you dealt with questions from strangers or even family/friends that might be uncomfortable — how do you handle them? How have you shared his adoption story with him, and how do you plan to incorporate his roots into his life? Just some ideas …
Any stories that you are willing to share will help anyone considering or already in the adoption process.
Thanks so much!
Adriana, thank you so much for your note. These are great suggestions! We have yet to encounter a lot of these issues since he’s only 18 months, but all of it is right around the corner. My struggle is how much to share of his story – I don’t feel comfortable talking about his birth family, really, so I think I’d have to leave that out but the rest of it is totally doable. Thanks again!
Thank you for sharing your story. I realize that Miles is really little and that a lot of the issues that might arise around adoption typically come up later in life, but surely something might pop up that wasn’t expected, and if you feel comfortable sharing it, I’m sure that it would help others in the same boat. Plus, just reading about your fun adventures is enjoyable and gives me hope that life with a kid is possible (even though it has yet to work out for me). Thanks again for inspiring me (and so many others)!
I’m struggling with what to write on my blog too, we have been “waiting” for 9 months and I feel like I have covered almost everything (at least at this point). I think you could always write about parenting, honest struggles, and your struggles and emotions related to adoption – not necessarily Charlie’s story but your story
Thanks, Kristen! I’m leaning more that way… telling our story as my story…
I am having the same problem, we are 9 months “waiting” and I’m running out of things to say while waiting. I feel like I’ve talked about everything there is to talk about, shared my emotions etc. I feel like you can always talk about parenting, and YOUR story related to adoption, things that you struggle with, your relationship with adoption, social worker, talking to your child about adoption, etc.
Hope that helps!
Hi Allie,
It’s good to hear from you – and Miles is growing like a weed! Our blogging has fallen off lately because after a rush of enthusiasm when we first went “live” with our agency, where I posted every day for 2 months, then went to a weekly (more or less) post, now that we’re a little over 2 years into our wait, with our failed placement in August, it’s hard, hard, hard to write. Where we are in our process – however long it will be – we need to hear encouraging things and consider what life will be like at various points as adoptive parents. I don’t have any specific topics in mind – just life in general, or how it’s different for you as an adoptive mom – issues you might not have had to deal with otherwise.
Thanks for continuing to write – and for sharing your part of Miles’ story. 🙂
Ethan
Hi Ethan,
I’m so sorry to hear that you experienced a failed placement this summer. That must have been, and be, so difficult. I know there isn’t much I can say, but I have heard so many people say that after they had a failed placement, that they soon welcomed their son or daughter and that they couldn’t see it being any other way. Your little is out there and will find you soon, I know it!
I hope you will continue writing your blog, too, as hard as it must be. Maybe writing about it will help you make sense of it all?
Maybe – it’s just sort of getting over the sadness and anger (not anger directed at the birth family, just anger in general). I’ve always tried to keep things positive on the blog – though I do write about real stuff, too. Hopefully I can pull it back together soon. I realize how much I need to read about an experience like we went through and there’s just not a lot out there. Thanks for your kind thoughts and affirmations – we hope, hope, hope that soon this will all just be a memory. I look forward to reading more about your little family! – Ethan
I can understand your sadness and anger, and I’m so sorry. I hope you will be able to start writing again soon, Ethan. Take care of yourself and your wife–hopefully someday all of this will make sense.
Thanks for sharing your like with us. As I mentioned in a previous note, your blog has inspired me to get my private writings and notes organized to blog about our first adoption experience and to continue the journey now that we are starting the home study for the second adoption. I have been grappling with the same issues of how much of our story and life to make public. It’s a personal decision and you will do what is best for your family. Having said that, it would be neat to read about day-to-day parenting struggles and the second adoption. So many people have asked me, “Since you already adopted once why do you have to go through the entire process over again?” Our blogs can provide a valuable service to others. Also, I think that at various developmental stages, we will have to address the same issues and topics – just from an age appropriate perspective. We have an open adoption and are in contact with the birth family. One thing that I’m considering writing about is our interactions with them and issues related to open adoptions. Some of the topics I’ve read in the above comments are terrific.
Rohit
Hi Rohit, Thanks for your comment! I agree – these ideas are great! I think issues of open adoption are things many adoptive families struggle with and if you could find a way to talk about it that would be helpful to many, I’m sure. I would just worry about their privacy but I’m sure you could do it tactfully and respectfully.
I stumbled across your blog when we were starting the domestic infant adoption process. Now our Harper girl is 9 months old! I love hearing how other families handle questions about adoption (what to share vs not share). Also, would love to hear about your journey to a second child and how you knew you were ready and how you chose that path.
Congratulations on your adoption! 9 months is such a fun age and it just gets better. Thanks for commenting and enjoy your little one!
I stumbled across your blog a few months ago, on the day we decided to start the domestic infant adoption process. I first read your post about how you and your husband came to the decision to adopt and it felt like you read my mind. I identified with everything you said. From there, I started at the beginning of your blog and couldn’t stop reading…I think I read the whole thing in one sitting. I check back frequently and sometimes re-read some of my favorite posts to remind myself to have faith and be patient.
I would love to hear updates about Miles and some of the parenting issues (whether adoption related or not) that you encounter. I would also LOVE to hear about the adoption process for baby #2!
Whatever you decide to do, please know that your blog has been a source of comfort for me during our wait. I look at adorable little Miles and remind myself that I will have a cute little baby of my own sometime soon.
I am def interested in the day to day life of you & your new family. The adoption process is over, but as someone who was told she is infertile and is contemplating adoption because IVF seems absolutely awful, It is comforting to know that you can love this child the same as if he was your biological child. Your blog is very comforting to me and has given me peace in a really, really tough time in my life – so, thank you : )
My question is, do you still long to get pregnant, give birth, and have a child who is part you/part your husband? Does that urge ever go away?
Hi Donna, Thanks for your comment! I have actually been planning a post about this topic – I’ll publish it soon. The short answer is that yes, that urge has gone away. For me, it was gone almost immediately and I honestly have no desire to have a biological child. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me it makes no difference how our family came together. Miles may not share our exact DNA, but he is very much part me/part my husband because we are the ones nurturing him and helping him grow into a little person. Biology is only a piece of the puzzle.