Four months down! We just received our fourth monthly update from the agency. There was a lot going on in January, but still no good news. This is to be expected, as the average wait time is six months for a match. Hopefully, we are getting closer.
Our profile was presented to 20 birthmothers last month. 20! That’s more than double the presentations we were getting before. 8 of those birthmothers have not yet chosen, so I suppose we are still in the running with them. 9 of them have chosen but have not yet been matched. I’m not entirely sure what that means–I guess they have made their choices but the adoptive parents or parent they chose have not yet confirmed. The rest of the birthmothers have fallen off the radar.
Our caseworker also told me that they are completely out of our profiles now and that we need to send them more. Because we’ve yet to be chosen, I’m (of course) wondering if it’s because of our profile. Jamie says no, that it’s a good representation of us and that the right birthmother will choose us. We didn’t have it done professionally–I did it and had a great time doing it–but maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I’ll print a few more profiles as they currently are so we will still be presented to birthmothers in the meantime, but then start reworking it. Or hire a graphic designer. I’m going to call our social worker later today and see what she thinks.
Who knows, maybe it has nothing to do with the profile. Maybe we just need to be patient and trust that it will happen when the time is right. Jamie is convinced that it’s the content that matters and that a birthmother wouldn’t be persuaded by fancy graphics and perfectly placed clip art. At least the birthmother with the right baby for us. Our lives don’t have fancy graphics or perfectly placed clip art. Our profile, like our life, isn’t perfect. But it’s genuine, and comes from the heart.
Maybe one of the women who haven’t chosen yet are thinking about us. Maybe we’re getting closer and closer every day and just don’t realize it. I hope so. I’m ready to get that call…
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom 
WOW, 20?!? Yea that’s a lot. I know you’ll do whatever you think you need to do but I’m thinking your husband is right and you’re probably just over thinking your profile. I’m sure it’s perfect, it just may take a little more time. You’re getting so much closer!! I love reading about your progress.
Thanks so much, Jen! Yeah, I was shocked to see 20. It must have to do with us opening up to a baby of any race/ethnicity. The closer we get, the harder it is to be patient. So excited!
Everything you’re feeling is normal. We felt the same way. We did our own profile as well. I think it means more to come from the heart and not try to overdo it. Which is really hard, not to obsess over it and want to make it better. I love reading your posts as my husband and I are experiencing similar things to you. I can tell you are genuine people and everyone will tell you it will happen when it’s meant to happen and its so hard to hear that. When it does happen, it all makes sense and the waiting doesn’t seem nearly as long. 🙂
I love reading your updates. We are also in the waiting period and it helps knowing that others are having similar struggles, joys, and concerns. The waiting is so hard and it is easy to doubt every decision. Hoping for a short wait for both of us!
Thanks, Michelle–I feel like I’ve been doing a good job handling the wait until just very recently. I know we haven’t waited the typical amount yet so I just need to remind myself to focus on other things and not over think it. I appreciate your comment!
Thanks for your comment, Jen – how long have you been waiting?