I wasn’t feeling so hot last week. Stressed out, I was feeling anxious and discouraged about our adoption. Up until this point, the wait has been pretty good for me–I’ve been positive and excited. We’re in our fifth month of waiting now, though, and I think I’ve been growing weary of the uncertainty and wondering if anyone will ever choose us. And I let it get to me.
I wrote a really whiny post on Friday–basically threw myself a big old pity party. Writing it down and getting it all out of my system was a release and made me feel so much better, but I’m so glad I didn’t publish it because that is not the person I want to be or the attitude I want to have. I forgot that for a couple days, but thanks to Jamie and a great weekend, I’m feeling a lot stronger today.
We went out to dinner on Friday night, which was really nice because I had been feeling cooped up in the house. (I’ve been sick, we had a huge snowstorm, and I work from home so I was really feeling it.) Then on Saturday morning, I took my dog for a run. We ran 5 miles and it felt so good that I decided to train for a half-marathon this spring. Distance running is to me what spinach is to Popeye–it makes me feel like I can do anything. I think I could use that feeling right about now.
Later that day, we went treasure hunting for nursery furniture. There’s a really awesome antique store about 20 miles south of Charlottesville–the Covesville Store. It’s a huge old house stuffed full of used, vintage and antique furniture, art, kitchen stuff, mirrors, baskets, glasses, and all sorts of random treasures. I could spend all day there. We were on the lookout for a dresser/changing table. But I didn’t have high expectations–we didn’t want to spend a lot of money and I was looking for something very particular. I knew it was a total long shot.
But the nursery gods must have been looking out for us that day because we found the most adorable painted dresser that is the perfect height and depth to double as a changing table. It’s a solid old Ethan Allen chest of drawers, in great shape, and beautifully painted–perfect for the nursery! I could not have special-ordered something more perfect. I fell instantly in love and the best part? It was marked down from $400 to $155.
We looked up similar Ethan Allen styles later and realized what a great deal we’d gotten (new ones go for $1,500+ which we would NEVER have paid). That dresser was meant to be ours. And this is ridiculous I know, but somehow, finding that dresser, the exact thing we wanted and for such an amazing price, made me feel like maybe our baby would find us soon, too. That this all might actually happen. Oh, and now we have a nursery color scheme. Yellow, gray and gold–perfect for a boy or girl. Love it.
After we found the dresser, we decided to celebrate a bit and visit Trump Winery for a glass of wine. (I’m not a Donald Trump fan so it kills me a little to support anything of his, but his winery rocks.) It was such a beautiful day–sunshiny and almost 70! The winery is an awesome place to sit outside and enjoy the gorgeous view of the vineyards and hills. Felt so good to just sit and feel the sun on our faces. It’s been a long winter.
Jamie reminded me that we need to relax and enjoy this time before the adoption because our lives are about to change. He’s right, of course, and I just need to keep reminding myself of that when it feels like it’s never going to happen.
I might not be able to control much, but I am in control of my attitude.
It will happen and I don’t want to look back on this precious time before we become parents and regret that I wasted it worrying. I’d rather have fun going out on dates, finding treasures for the baby’s room, and sipping wine in the woods.
This life, our life, is pretty darn great just the way it is.