I wasn’t feeling so hot last week. Stressed out, I was feeling anxious and discouraged about our adoption. Up until this point, the wait has been pretty good for me–I’ve been positive and excited. We’re in our fifth month of waiting now, though, and I think I’ve been growing weary of the uncertainty and wondering if anyone will ever choose us. And I let it get to me.
I wrote a really whiny post on Friday–basically threw myself a big old pity party. Writing it down and getting it all out of my system was a release and made me feel so much better, but I’m so glad I didn’t publish it because that is not the person I want to be or the attitude I want to have. I forgot that for a couple days, but thanks to Jamie and a great weekend, I’m feeling a lot stronger today.
We went out to dinner on Friday night, which was really nice because I had been feeling cooped up in the house. (I’ve been sick, we had a huge snowstorm, and I work from home so I was really feeling it.) Then on Saturday morning, I took my dog for a run. We ran 5 miles and it felt so good that I decided to train for a half-marathon this spring. Distance running is to me what spinach is to Popeye–it makes me feel like I can do anything. I think I could use that feeling right about now.
Later that day, we went treasure hunting for nursery furniture. There’s a really awesome antique store about 20 miles south of Charlottesville–the Covesville Store. 
It’s a huge old house stuffed full of used, vintage and antique furniture, art, kitchen stuff, mirrors, baskets, glasses, and all sorts of random treasures. I could spend all day there. We were on the lookout for a dresser/changing table. But I didn’t have high expectations–we didn’t want to spend a lot of money and I was looking for something very particular. I knew it was a total long shot.
But the nursery gods must have been looking out for us that day because we found the most adorable painted dresser that is the perfect height and depth to double as a changing table. It’s a solid old Ethan Allen chest of drawers, in great shape, and beautifully painted–perfect for the nursery! I could not have special-ordered something more perfect. I fell instantly in love and the best part? It was marked down from $400 to $155.
We looked up similar Ethan Allen styles later and realized what a great deal we’d gotten (new ones go for $1,500+ which we would NEVER have paid). That dresser was meant to be ours. And this is ridiculous I know, but somehow, finding that dresser, the exact thing we wanted and for such an amazing price, made me feel like maybe our baby would find us soon, too. That this all might actually happen. Oh, and now we have a nursery color scheme. Yellow, gray and gold–perfect for a boy or girl. Love it.
After we found the dresser, we decided to celebrate a bit and visit Trump Winery for a glass of wine. (I’m not a Donald Trump fan so it kills me a little to support anything of his, but his winery rocks.) It was such a beautiful day–sunshiny and almost 70! The winery is an awesome place to sit outside and enjoy the gorgeous view of the vineyards and hills. Felt so good to just sit and feel the sun on our faces. It’s been a long winter.
Jamie reminded me that we need to relax and enjoy this time before the adoption because our lives are about to change. He’s right, of course, and I just need to keep reminding myself of that when it feels like it’s never going to happen.
I might not be able to control much, but I am in control of my attitude.
It will happen and I don’t want to look back on this precious time before we become parents and regret that I wasted it worrying. I’d rather have fun going out on dates, finding treasures for the baby’s room, and sipping wine in the woods.
This life, our life, is pretty darn great just the way it is.
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom 
You’re so right, sometimes just writing it down helps so much, even if you don’t publish your thoughts. Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend!! I LOVE that dresser! It is perfect, and you can rest assured that with EA it’s built to last! The winery sounds fun, it was a beautiful day for an outdoor activity like that! Good luck with your 1/2 marathon training!!
Thanks, Jen! Amazing what a sunny, warm weekend and a little wine can do!
Oh, I’m right there with you – some days are harder than others during the wait. We’re five months in, and the first three months were this high-energy ride of expectations…since then, it’s been more of a need to boost our endurance, on some days. The busy-ness of spring and summer will help my wife and I keep our chins up – and none of us ever know the great little thing that might be just around the corner! (And congrats on the great dresser find – we had a similar score yesterday in a thrift shop, where we found, amongst the tablecloths and curtains, a Moby wrap, just chillin’. We knew right away what it was, but I guess to someone else, it just looked like yards and yards of fabric. It was on our wishlist, so maybe that’s good news for us, too!
Thanks for your comment, Ethan. We’re also five months in. And, I, too am looking very much forward to spring and summer–the winter doldrums don’t make the wait any easier, that’s for sure. Hoping for good news for you and your wife soon!
Sometimes you need a good pity party to get moving. Sounds like you are on top of everything. You’re doing an amazing job of getting through this waiting period. Keep up the good work!!
Thank you for your comment and encouragement. I appreciate it. I agree that pity parties are sometimes necessary and I think they do actually help release tension… but only if they are short-lived! I hate feeling that way. 🙂
The wait is definitely a struggle and you will most definitely have good days and bad days. We are also waiting, it will be a year this week. And I believe (based on your similar monthly updates) we are even using the same law firm as you!! I check your blog regularly (and others too) because for me, it reminds me that I am not alone on this journey. So you, too, should know that you’re not alone and there are many people out there rooting for you – including me. One thing that I wanted to mention, if you are using the same firm, is that their average wait time is 6 – 18 months. So if you go past the 6 months, it’s still normal. I struggled with that as well, hitting the 6 month mark and now the year mark, but I need to keep reminding myself that our baby WILL find us. Yours will find you too!
The wait is definitely a struggle and you will most definitely have good days and bad days. We are also waiting, it will be a year this week. And I believe (based on your similar monthly updates) we are even using the same law firm as you!! I check your blog regularly (and others too) because for me, it reminds me that I am not alone on this journey. So you, too, should know that you’re not alone and there are many people out there rooting for you – including me. One thing that I wanted to mention, if you are using the same firm, is that their average wait time is 6 – 18 months. So if you go past the 6 months, it’s still normal. I struggled with that as well, hitting the 6 month mark and now the year mark, but I need to keep reminding myself that our baby WILL find us. Yours will find you too!
I appreciate your note–it really does help to know that I’m not alone on this journey. It can feel that way sometimes, as I’m sure you know. In the grand scheme of things, 6-18 months is not very long. Just have to keep that in mind. And it’s good to know that my feelings are normal. Seems like at around 5-6 months in, everyone starts wondering and getting nervous/restless so I’m glad it’s not just me. Thank you for your support–I’m rooting for you, too! All good things in 2014!